My Frenemy, TOM

I have PCOS and it is a bitch. I have been dealing with it since I was 15 years old and you think I would be used to it by now.

One of the perks of PCOS is the lack of periods. That is now, at this time in my life when I am done having children.

One of the downfalls of PCOS is the lack of periods as well.

I only have a period twice a year on average. I do admit that it is nice not having to deal with my frenemy TOM paying me a visit every 28 days.

However, when TOM does pay me a visit, he makes up for lost time in a big way.

The month of March was not a good one as far as exercise and weight loss goes. I started feeling like a big piece of poo and was so tired and cranky at the beginning of the month.

At first I blamed it on the weather, Ohio winters can be miserable.

But all of the sudden TOM called to let me know he was coming. He wouldn't tell me when but he would get here when he got here.

It took two weeks of PMS for him to arrive and he stayed for a week and a half.

TOM always overstays his welcome.

He brought his usual gifts: water weight, salty/ sweet cravings, mood swings. acne and fatigue.

Did I mention how generous he is?

That bastard finally left and, after spending the weekend recovering, I am back in the game.

So here I am.

Counting calories, 1553 per day for now.

Exercise, 45 minutes a day. at least 5 days a week.

Current weight, 238.0

Pants size, a very loose 20

I have 20 days to get my arse outta the 230's

Keep on keepin' on

I have been plugging along as usual, counting calories and working out. I have been slacking in the strength training department and my arms are suffering for it. I have lost a lot of weight in them recently but they just look like deflated balloons full of cottage cheese :(

My calorie count for now is 1600 and I have been doing 30 minutes on the elliptical about four or five days a week.

I have been a good girl and taking my meds, vitamin included, and trying to drink a good amount of water.

I am wearing size 20 jeans very comfortably and this morning I weighed in at 237 lbs which was my pre-pregnancy weight with Aidan over 5 years ago. I haven't seen that weight since my six week post-partum visit in March of 2006.

My body is definitely not the same as it used to be. Everything is so much more..."hangy" this time. I guess two kids will do that to a girl. That's why they invented plastic surgery, right?

Here are this week's pictures:

I realize that I have been looking like a hot mess in all of these photos but, in my defense, I take them before heading out to the gym.

So here is a pic of my face with a little makeup:

Oh! I almost forgot! I met my St. Paddy's Day goal of getting out of the 240's. Next mini-goal is to get out of the 230's by Easter Sunday.

8 weeks later

I just needed to pat myself on the back for a minute. I started my lifestyle overhaul 8 weeks ago and this is what happened:

1. I quit smoking, cold turkey, and have not had a cigarette for 8 weeks.

2. I have lost 27.4 pounds, which is over 10% of my starting body weight.

3. I have gone from a size 24 jean to a size 20, and a pretty snug size 18 :^:

4. I have learned an enormous amount about food and am amazed at the garbage I used to shove down my throat by the pound on a daily basis.

5. I have gone from barely being able to do 3 minutes on the elliptical to doing a full 30 to 40 minutes.

6. I am starting to recognize the face I see in the mirror.

7. I am starting to gain more self confidence.

I still have a very long road to travel but I am determined to reach my destination.

Here's to another productive eight weeks!

Picture Update for the last weekend of Feb

I am really looking forward to a day when I can look at my before and after pics and say "WOW!" I do see some progress but not a ton. I am scared I am never going to get rid of that hangy blubbery tummy also known as the "gunt." Ickkk!

The first pic in pink was taken at 268 pounds and the second is from today at 242 pounds. 26 pounds gone :) I am toying around with the idea of doing some underoo shots so that it is all out there, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Well, that's all for now, I am off to the gym as soon as I locate my missing earbuds.

First Progress Pics

Here is my first set of progress pics. Neither pic is pretty but I can see a wee bit of a difference already. Please excuse the crappy cell phone shots. I will try to use my regular camera from now on.

The Slippery Slope

The fall from staying on plan to a three day binge is short. EXTREMELY short!

I have been sick off and on for a few weeks. I tried to fight through it. I even kept up at the gym, keeping pace on the treadmill with a wad of snotty tissues in my pocket.

This past weekend, I fell apart. I haven't worked out since Friday. I haven't stayed on plan since Friday either.

I did, however, have my eyes opened toward my relationship with food. I found myself deciding that I was going to be off plan initially for entertainment value. Food is not for entertainment, food is for energy. Food sustains life. Food shouldn't equal a fun Saturday night.

I also found that once I let myself stray from my plan I found "excuses" to stay off plan i.e. "I am sick so I should eat whatever I want to make myself feel better. "

NO!!! I am sitting here today regretting every single bite I have put into my mouth over the past few days.

The birthday cake wasn't worth it.

Neither was the Indian food.

Nor the Cheetos.

So, now I declare that this very minute I am back on plan.

I will count my 1500 calories diligently.

I will drink my water.

I will take my meds.

I will hit the gym.

And, most importantly, I will stop and think before I venture into the kitchen to snack. Am I hungry or bored? I am I hungry enough to be satisfied with an apple or carrot sticks?

It's really time to quit screwing around. Thirty will be here before I know it.

Those first few pounds lost felt better than anything I have eaten.

First goal met!

I tried out something new yesterday. I drug my ass out of bed @ 5:30 am and spent almost two hours at the gym. I did C25K and the elliptical with a little strength training in between.

I felt pretty good all day. I got a little tired around noon but I managed to make it all day without a nap.

Then, I made a huge mistake. I went to step class. I felt like I was really going to die halfway through. I just felt drained. I am definitely going to have to up my caloric intake if I want to work out that hard.

I was exhausted today. I attempted to start week 2 of C25K and only made it through two of the 90 second runs :(

So, lesson learned. If I kill myself working/dieting too hard one day I won't be effective the next.

It's not worth it.

And for some happy news...

I hit my first goal yesterday! I am under 250 pounds and a week early too :)

One more pound until I am 20 pounds down.

My next goal will be to out of the 240's by St. Patrick's Day.

If I can keep up my current trend I should have no problem.

Keeping my fingers crossed!

It must be working...

because I weighed in at the Y today.

251!!!

This afternoon I broke down and bought a new scale for home. It said 248...I guess there is less gravity in my house??? LOL!

I started the C25K program this morning and made it through the first day without much difficulty. Looking forward to Day 2 tomorrow.

Watch out 240's, I'm on my way!

Remember, the cake is a lie.

Eggs and Hollandaise

I am still relatively new to this whole calorie counting thing (about four weeks in) and I am having trouble not feeling guilty about all I am eating.

Tonight, I had a higher calorie dinner than normal, about 550 calories total. I am still under my goal but I feel so guilty.

Most of the diets I have tried left me feeling deprived and counting calories doesn't make me feel like that.

I don't know if I am doing it wrong or if my mind frame is just totally skewed.

I guess what I am saying is that I feel guilty because I don't feel like I am starving myself.

Does that make sense?

My life tomorrow will be the result of my attitudes and the choices I make today.

February Challenges

I will weigh in on Tuesdays, and Tuesdays only :)

I am shooting for a 8 pound loss, 2 pounds a week

I will drink my water everyday this month

I will take my multivitamin

I will get up early and head out to the gym for early morning workouts

I will continue counting calories 1400-1600 per day

I will update my blog at least twice a week.

I will get enough sleep

I will add ten extra minutes to my elliptical workout

I will attempt the Couch 2 5k program

My life tomorrow will be the result of my attitudes and the choices I make today.

I want to lose weight because...

-I want to be able to shop in regular stores. Big girl clothes cost more money.

-I want to stop avoiding mirrors.

-I want to be able to ride roller coasters with my kids when they are old enough.

-I want to be more social. I tend to stay away from new people and situations because I am embarrassed of the way I look.

-I want to be healthy so that I can enjoy my family and my life as long as possible.

-I want my husband to think I am hot.

-I want to be a good example for my children.

-I want to run!

-I want to people to see past my fat. There is a great person under all this. She is here with or without the fat. Unfortunately, many people can't get past the fat.

-I am tired of always being the biggest person in the room.

-I want to be able to paint my toenails without struggling to reach them.

-I want to wear a bathing suit that doesn't include a skirt

-I want to prove to myself that I AM strong and I CAN accomplish great things with perseverance, willpower, and a love for myself.

Jan 24

Here is my intake for today.

Feeling better now.

Step class really whooped my butt tonight BUT I kept up so much better this time :)

I also did 20 minutes of weights.

I do feel like a 1000 times better!

The hater in the mirror

I am really hating on myself today.

I wish I could stop.

Maybe I will feel better after I work out tonight. That's right. You heard me. I did NOT drag my lazy ass out of bed and go work out this morning and I have felt like poo about it all day. Not to mention I have felt exhausted all damn day.

That's one of the wonderful things about depression. You can put yourself into a coma at will.

But seriously, I can't blame everything on my mental woes.

I knew better than to stay up watching movies with Matt last night.

I also new better than to gorge myself on carbs yesterday. Even though I stayed under 2000 calories yesterday, I was way above my limit and they weren't "good" calories.

However, today I have done really well with my calorie count. I guess guilt is as good of a motivational tool as anything. My only problem is that I have nearly met of my sodium and protein allowances for the day and I haven't even eaten dinner yet.

Bah!

Off to eat some dinner and then Step class.

Jan 23

I am still trying to decide on an effective, aesthetically pleasing way to post my caloric intake for the day. This is just a screenshot of my MyPlate food diary at www.livestrong.com.

Today was not a good day in terms of food and exercise as you can see. I got pretty carb crazy this afternoon and chomped down a bunch of pita chips and cheesy nibbles.

Bad girl! Bad, bad girl!

Oh well! Sucking it up and moving on. Tomorrow is another day.

To top it off, Matt and I had planned to take the boys swimming this afternoon but we got the schedule mixed up and family swim was just about to end when we got to the Y. The boys were so bummed and I have to admit I was really bummed too.

So we went on a produce run and back home. Matt and I were feeling like lazy bastards for not getting a workout in so we decided to give Jillian's 30 Day Shred a go. Jillian really kicked our butts!

Aidan joined in and he totally rocked it, making sure to rub it in our faces :)

So, that was our somewhat disappointing day. I have a new schedule in mind to start tomorrow because Mondays were made for that sort of thing.

The worst part is that it entails dragging my ass out of bed at 5 am.

I can do it!

"I want my fat to be symmetrical!"

This is what I told my trainer this morning when she asked what I wanted to work on.

I mean, let's be honest, when you weigh as much as I do, you really can't complain about "problem areas. The whole body is a problem area.

One of my most embarrassing features right now is the extra fat roll I am carrying around on my left arm. Both arms are really big, "ham-esque" if you will, but that one extra roll on my left arm is driving me nuts.

She said she understood and said it was nice to have a client with honest, achievable expectations. She frequently has clients come in expecting to lose 50 pounds in 30 days.

Whatever...

I know I am not going to be bikini ready in June.

I know I have a very long road ahead of me.

But, in the mean time, I am trying to focus on small, reasonable goals.

So, that's it for now.

My mini-goals for now are to work on balancing out my fat arms, sticking to my exercise schedule and weighing in under 250lbs by Valentine's Day.

Will update my caloric intake tonight.